TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
