you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
