She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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