Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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