I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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