Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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