maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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