i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
