allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
