YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
