Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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