Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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