I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I want a musical about memes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
