I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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