There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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