So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
