The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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