He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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