he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
