If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
