I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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