He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Terrible idea I love it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
