he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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