Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize