i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
