On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
