Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
