He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
