A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
