There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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