If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
