Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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