why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
