no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
