I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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