btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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