it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
