So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
sex in a hospital.. check
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
