ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
