She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
