The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
