the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
