i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i've created a new STD.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
