I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
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IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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