these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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