i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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