Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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