I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
