Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
