2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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