I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
