I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I need moral support for this bender
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
