So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
