Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
