dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
