it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
