What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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