I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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