we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
