Soap is not a condiment
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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